WARNING: THIS POST HAS POTTY TALK.
So in recent weeks CootieGirl (who will be five in April) has regressed on her potty training. Specifically, #2. She was not getting to the potty in time, or deliberately going in her underwear or not cleaning herself enough when she was done. This obviously resulted in dirty underwear AND many baths to get her cleaned up.
I’m sure it was all related to CootieBoy’s potty training – he was getting treats for going potty, she was not. He was getting much attention relating to potty training, she was not. What better way to get attention? MESS YOUR PANTIES!! It became a near daily occurence a couple weeks ago.
So, with the advice of L-Train (a former teacher), I sat CootieGirl down yesterday morning and told her if she went seven days without messing her panties, she’d get a HUGE treat. “What treat?” she asked suspiciously.
“If you go seven days with clean underpants, then whichever parent you choose will take you to the movies, where you can have popcorn, and candy, and a drink. You can pick the movie and have time all to yourself with either Daddy or me while CootieBoy stays home.”
She was SUPER excited about that idea.
Sure enough – she went 24 hours without soiling herself. This morning I said, “Only six more days! I hope you can go six more days!” to which she replied that she COULD.
There’s something to be said about BRIBERY.
There is indeed! Love it.
I am no parent… but that doesn’t seem like a great way to teach your kids exceptable behavior, inho. I mean, so you give her a treat for not going #2 in her pants at the age of almost 5yrs old? As you said, she is almost 5 yrs old! 5! I think you are teaching her that if she does something wrong, then people will reward her when she stops doing it… so in the future you could have a Bigger Issue on your hands. Let me know after the 7 days are up and she has enjoyed her movie when she craps in her pants again so you can give her another reward when she stops for an additional 7 days.
Ace – it is common knowledge that kids sometimes regress a bit in their potty training. And I’m pretty confident that the reason CootieGirl regressed recently is because she’s feeling left out since CootieBoy is getting SO MUCH attention for his potty training. I am NOT teaching her that if she does something wrong she’ll get a reward for stopping the behavior. It’s not like if she writes on the wall I give her a cookie when she stops doing it. Or when she breaks a toy I give her a reward for attempting to put it back together. In those instances she gets punished for writing on the wall or breaking a toy.
However, in THIS ONE ASPECT she is being rewarded for being a big girl and going to the potty. BIG difference.
Your Kid, your call… my opinion
I’m kind of with Ace on this one. She’s old enough that if you explain why CB is getting so much attention when he uses the potty and that she’s big girl and should need this, then she might listen. She’s a smart girl.
Listen, I’m not going to reward her for every seven days she can go without messing her panties. After this seven day test is over, I will then tell her “Okay, since you are obviously CAPABLE of doing the right thing as shown by the past seven days of clean panties – I expect you to do the right thing from now on.”
But hey – feel free to lecture your own kid when he has his own regression after he’s been completely potty trained (MOST KIDS REGRESS AT SOME POINT). Or feel free to lecture your son when he wets his bed at age 5, telling him he should know better because he’s 5. Because that’ll CERTAINLY make him feel better about it.
Jaynee, I’m with you. And we DO get rewarded when we stop doing something bad. Um, how about when we stop eating crappy food or stop smoking so we have a healthier body? Sometimes we all will quit doing things if there is a reward.
And that would be ridiculous to continue to reward her if it’s obvious it’s not gaining the lesson of she CAN poop in the potty even if the initial reward is to go to the movies.
Kids don’t always know how to express themselves like adults so Cootiegirl might be showing anger or hurt through that. I know Emma has some fear about it and shows it through that.
I don’t know, sometimes we all do things as parents that don’t seem to make sense to others but you know your child best and know what will work. And if it doesn’t, that’s fine, you just try something else. Unfortunately parenting is a lot of trial and error.
Amy@P2P’s last blog post..This means I’m going to have to clean tonight
I thought “most kids” regressed after say 6months of being potty trained.. maybe even 3 months… but two years? And if you are going to sit her down after this and say “Okay, since you are obviously CAPABLE of doing the right thing as shown by the past seven days of clean panties – I expect you to do the right thing from now on” then why not take that approach to begin with? I am sure that she has gone 7 days in the past without any accidents so we know she is capable of not doing it to begin with. As for the lecture of a kid at age 5, well is that not what you are going to do if this whole 7 days of no mess doesn’t work out the way you planned?
CootieGirl hasn’t been potty trained for 2 years. Otherwise she would have been pottytrained while we were still in NoNJ – and if you recall, she WASN’T. We were trying, but nowhere close to it. She really only finished being potty trained about a year ago – even in March 2007 we were still having issues with her being messy.
Yes, she has gone 7 days with no accidents before, but since we’ve started potty training CootieBoy we’ve had issues with HER as well. I am convinced the two are tied together. She is enjoying the praise I’ve been giving her about staying clean, so I know that after the seven days I’ll be able to heap a lot of praise, take her to a movie, and we’ll be back on track with a short postscript from me about trying not to do it again.
My “lecture” will take place after she gets rewarded for 7 days of cleanliness. So that at the same time she is proud of herself for accomplishing her goal, I can also plant the seed that it should continue now that SHE knows she can do it.
I realize it doesn’t make sense to you, Ace, or even Jen with her 12 month old, but other parents of toddlers or preschoolers no doubt understand EXACTLY what I’m doing and why.
I just threw away my “Toilet Training in Less Than a Day” book. You can’t even toilet train in one year, in my experience.
I have a vivid memory of being 5 years old & in kindergarten calling for my mom to come “wipe me” and her asking me if I called for my teacher every time I pottied at school. “NO!” I said, horrified, and that was the last time I remember calling for my mom to do that.
cristan’s last blog post..Big Brother is Watching Us, Man!
cristan – if it was as simple as just not wiping well, I’d have dealt with that a long time ago (and I actually WAS going to address that issue with her when the new problem started – a resistance to going to the bathroom when the need arises until the point where her panties get dirty (poor thing – she’s going to be MORTIFIED some day that this comment thread was written about her)).
I feel this technique is working. She has now gone three days absolutely clean. She is SO proud of herself and I’m confident that after the seven days and the movie reward that she will continue to do well with the only reward being praise from her parents and the pride that she knows she can do it.
I take it ALL back… Apparently I don’t know what I am talking about and will eat my crow pie after I finish making this post. I spoke to two of my friends last night in regards to this issue. One has two girls about the same age as GB & CG, while her kids didn’t have this issue, her and her sister did. She said her mother just put the oldest girl back in diapers and that settled that in a day and my second friend who has 3 children said, like you, that a lot of children go through this. She said “Children have up until 5yrs old to be potty trained and that is only because most schools wont except children that aren’t. She said that Children aren’t potty trained at first its the parents who are, by watching their children and knowign when they have to go to the bathroom. She told me to lay off and that you were right. 🙁 Man I hated to hear that, but I except when I am wrong. She said the only thing she disagreed with is the reward you were giving CG. She said that the Movie was too big a reward and that if CG was going to revert back to going to the bathroom in her pants to get the praise and attention Cootieboy was getting then you needed to reward her the same as CG for not going to the bathroom in her pants. He gets a star and 3 skittles, so she should get a star and 3 skittles. That was her only advise. Just so you don’t think (who is this woman giving Ace Advice on kids) she does have a degree in Child Psych. **scurries off to enjoy his crow**… passes some to Jen
*lol* thanks, Ace.
As for the reward, it is a private agreement between Denis, CG and me. CootieBoy has NO IDEA about the movie reward.
And the idea of getting a reward is working – she woke me up to proudly tell me she did #2 in the potty this morning. I think if she were just getting a star and some skittles that she wouldn’t put in nearly the attempt she’s giving me this week. Post-movie I’m convinced she’ll be back on track and I won’t have to worry about rewards again. I’ll eat crow if I’m wrong. 🙂