So after a few weeks of thinking that we had found a church in which we wanted to get involved, Denis and I both agree that we should keep looking. Since we moved here in July we’ve sampled three churches – one was way to small, one was way too big, and the other was the perfect size. In addition to having the perfect size, the music team was phenomenal and the pastor was pretty darn good.
However, despite going there pretty regularly for two months only ONE couple has talked to us outside of the “welcome time” during the service. And remember my gripe about the pastor not saying hello to us? Well, he STILL has yet to introduce himself to us, and last Sunday was the perfect opportunity for him to do that.
The church was celebrating it’s anniversary and had a little mini-BBQ after the service. Everyone was wandering around, talking and laughing, having a good time. And yet all alone in the center of it all was Denis. Jaynee. CootieGirl. CootieBoy. NO ONE – and I mean this quite literally – NO ONE talked to us. And it’s not that we were deliberately trying to be unfriendly – in fact, just the opposite! We smiled at other people, said hello, laughed together when a kid did something funny. And yet NO ONE asked us our name, and NO ONE introduced themselves to us. Yes, we could have done it, but we wanted THEM to do it. I mean, for a church that prides itself on reaching out to the community and guests, it is quite disappointing. And so we move on. If we get a call from the church (we got a call from one guy a couple weeks ago, but he’s the only guy that has ever talked to us each and every week that we visit), both Denis and I have said that we’ll openly tell them why we stopped attending, so that they can address it effectively in order to be an effective church for the community.
So tomorrow we head to a church that we heard about through two friends of ours – it’s a HUGE church with THREE campuses (the main one in Charlotte, the others in Rock Hill and Ballantine). We’re going to visit one of the satellite services and see how it is. Both a friend in NoNJ and a person here recommended it to us this week without us even asking, so it seems like an obvious sign to us that we should visit.
The only thing I would suggest is that perhaps you should write a nice letter to the Pastor to tell him why you are moving on. Don’t make it a personal attack on him, just say that in the x weeks you visited, no one called, no one introduced themselves, no one made you feel welcome at all. If they realize they are losing by not being outgoing, they may change their ways. If they don’t realize what is going on, they may never get the chance to change.
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing as Dad. You are probably not the only ones who have moved on because of this. If you are proactive and let them know, then they can try to correct this problem.
Unfortunately, some smaller churches can tend to get very insular, almost club-like and lose the vision of reaching out. It’s their loss that you are moving on. God is having you continue the search for a reason and I’ll be praying that He guides you to where He wants you all to be.
Dad and Jen – I did exactly that today when we got home from the church we visited, which was the TOTAL opposite of the church we have been attending. At this new church we were greeted warmly by almost everyone we passed AND the pastor specifically spoke with us before AND after the service – and it made a great difference in my perception of the church to be greeted this way, despite the fact that the sermon is actually a video presentation of the sermon given by the head pastor at the Charlotte location.
We will definitely be going back to this church.
Although not as extreme as the experience you had, I found it very difficult to break in both at Truro and at St. Barnabas, where I’m going now. Participating in some of their adult education programs helped and St. Barnabas has a supper club.(Also, the Rector called me when she heard that Granddad died–that counts for a lot). You might want to look for a hurch that has a bible study group, or home church groups. That way you can start with a small circle and gradually widen from there.
Uncle Bill – the other church did have small groups, but we had decided that after being SO involved with church in NoNJ that we would take a step back and just be church attendees for a few months before getting back into total involvement. We do plan on getting involved in some sort of life group after the holidays, and I’d also be interested in doing music again as well.
I think that we were just spoiled at Skyline. I have had the same trouble finding a church here in Philly, they just don’t measure up!
I agree that we were spoiled at Skyline! When we walked in to church yesterday they had one small platter of danishes for food and I have to say my first thought was “this is it?” *lol* Even though I didn’t partake of much at Skyline’s food table, at least there were OPTIONS there and plenty to choose from!
But yesterday’s church was as close to Skyline as we could possibly get in so many ways (YAY to meeting in a movie theater again!)