Pretentious Teslas and the Men Who Drive Them

When I drive to work now, I tend to notice the types of vehicles around me since I’m not on the highway for my entire commute. Half my commute is sitting at stoplights, which makes vehicle viewing much easier. The other day I was driving into work and while in a bit of traffic I noticed that a Tesla Model S was directly in front of me. Can I just say that I wasn’t impressed? It looked like a 4-door hatchback to me. It was completely indistinguishable from any other four door vehicle on the road.

See? It’s a pretty boring looking car, right? In fact, the only thing that stood out to me as I idled in traffic behind him was the emblem on the back of the vehicle on the trunk. I noticed it wasn’t a typical brand one normally sees, and then it hit me that it was the Tesla logo.

I began to do some research into this boring looking electric car. Namely, the pricetag. And I was horrified to see that a base model, with no added bells & whistles will cost a cool $74,750 in cash, or $1,245 per month for a 72-month loan and $5,000 as a down payment.

But let’s say this is your dream car. So you want the bells & whistles. You don’t want the base 75D Model S – you want the P100D Model S, which gives you zero to 60 in 2.5 seconds and 315 miles per charge versus the paltry 259 miles per charge of the base model. Well, my rich friend, just that one change takes your cash price up to $138,500 or $1,943 per month for 72 months and a $7000 down payment.

But c’mon – that’s not the ONLY upgrade you want. I mean, sure, the P100D comes standard with Bioweapon Defense Mode which blocks offensive odors, nitrogen oxides and hydrocarbon exhaust fumes from polluting cabin air with two activated carbon purification filters. And sure it apparently can prevent viruses and bacteria from entering the cabin with a medical-grade HEPA air filtration system. But that’s all part of the base price of the P100D. What you really want is the extras like FOUR cameras ($73/mo), full self-driving capability (which doubles your cameras again to 8) ($44/mo), back row rear-facing seats ($59/mo).

That’ll see you back a cool $150,500 in cash or $2,118/mo for a 72-month loan and the $7,000 down payment. But rest assured – if you don’t want to buy, you can always lease. The souped up P100D with the extras is only — wait — the price goes UP for the lease? Yep. The price goes up to $2,213. Isn’t a lease usually cheaper? The lease requires $9,908 at signing, is for 36 months and allows 10,000 miles per year.

More and more this sounds like a car I would never buy even if I won the lottery because it’s just a big ol’ waste of money. And not just because of the pesky cars on fire.

I really wish I had taken a better look at the driver of the Tesla I was stuck behind in traffic. I’d like to see what kind of person would spent that much money on a vehicle to commute to/from work every day.

04 comments on “Pretentious Teslas and the Men Who Drive Them

  • Cristan , Direct link to comment

    Haha – I actually rode in one a couple of months ago. The owners are tennis friends of my husband and the man put it in self driving mode on the interstate through downtown Atlanta and then turned fully around in his seat to talk and gesticulate to us in the back seat. (Scary at first!). It was pretty cool I have to admit. And the type of people who have it are tech-type business owners with only 1 adult child. So….lover of gadgets and disposable income. : )
    For myself, for that amount of $, I’d rather hire a driver, because you can’t do self-driving for more than a couple of minutes.

  • Jaynee , Direct link to comment

    Yes! I’d rather hire a driver, too! Or get my daughter to drive me around now that she has a license. I’ll sit in the backseat and treat her like a chauffeur. *lol*

    I don’t think I’d EVER trust self-driving. That’s just begging for accidents.

  • Andrew Mason , Direct link to comment

    Wow. Who pays you? Chevron? Shell? BP? We have two very young children, my wife is the primary driver and we love our Tesla. And, would you believe, it actually made economic sense to buy it. We bought it used from a local car dealership for less than $60,000. In the month that we have owned it, it has literally saved us hundreds of dollars. My wife drives for work and gets a mileage check each month. Buying an electric car was an absolute no brainer. We researched for months before buying. We drove Leafs, BMWs, and KIAs…..nothing compares to the Tesla. Oh, and if you are going to use that BS argument that my electricity comes from coal fired plants…..save your breath, we charge our Tesla from the electricity produced by solar panels on our roof. And honestly, until you have driven one, seen the incredible network of superchargers all over the world, or done any other valid research other than what satisfied your shallow and narrow minded thesis, you really shouldn’t talk. Sitting in traffic with Tesla envy doesn’t qualify.

  • Jaynee , Direct link to comment

    Thanks for your comment, Andrew. I clearly hit a nerve with my opinions on Teslas. Alas, I am not being paid by anyone to talk negatively about the Tesla.

    You’ll note my post did not scorn electric cars at all – in fact, I’d probably like to own one some day. My post was merely talking about the needless EXPENSE to buy one with all of the extras that come on it (such as the bioweapon defense system). When the base model with no extras of a vehicle is $75K, I wonder why someone would buy that costly a car, and it’s my *opinion* that most people who buy Teslas are doing it for the cache of being able to say they bought a Tesla (similar to those who buy Lambos).

    If that’s not the case for you and your family, there’s no need to get upset about my post. Especially since, and I’ll say this again, I am not anti-electric cars and nowhere in my post did I speak negatively of them.

    Thanks again for visiting the site.

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