I know that by now you are thinking, “These love languages just sound like common sense. Kiss your kids? Tell them you love them? Spend time with them? DUH.” Well, yes, you’d be right. But c’mon – how many of us parents REALLY do all this for our kids? I mean, how many times have we been sitting at the computer, our kids come in and ask to play a game with us, and we say, “Just a few minutes and we can do it,” and then 30 minutes later you are still at the computer/cleaning the house/taking a nap/whatever? I know I’ve done it. You know you’ve done it, too. Don’t even front.
So yeah, quality time. I think for the most part Denis and I get a “B” when it comes to quality time with the kids. Going to the park after church, taking the kids to the movies, bedtime story-reading, taking them to plays, playing video games together, playing card and/or board games – these are all things we do regularly. And now that CB has joined Cub Scouts, I’m thrilled that the result will be lots of Daddy/CB time. And if CG gets her way and joins Brownies, it’ll be a lot of Mama/CG time as well. Which is good, because we definitely fall into the trap of Daddy’s Little Girl and Mama’s Boy. CG LOVES doing stuff with her Daddy, and CB loves hanging out with me. We need to add in more of the same-gender quality time. Cub Scouts will allow that to happen more naturally.
But it’s also the small bits of quality time. This is where I go from an “A” to a “B-” parent. I am TOTALLY the mom that will be on the computer – doing stupid stuff like Facebook surfing – and if one of my kids comes in and asks to play with me, I’ll shoo them away and tell them I need 10 minutes. And 30 minutes later I’m still wasting time on the computer while they sit bored in front of the TV waiting for me to come play with them. TOTAL. FAIL. It’s unforgivable, really. Because in less than ten years I’ll be chasing after my kids, desperate to spend time with them, and they’ll be out the front door to hang out with their friends instead of “boring old Mom.”
So I need to step up. I need to get off the computer, turn off the TV and get in more quality time that isn’t a BIG quality time like movies and plays and festivals and videogames. I need to play jacks on the floor in our foyer, or teach them how to do Cat’s Cradle string games (I started teaching them this one last night), or let CG attempt to braid my hair. I need to just sit and tell them stories of my own childhood, or of theirs. I need to spend even just 10-15 minutes a day consciously confirming that I enjoy their company and want to be WITH them.
If I can do that, then maybe they’ll want to hang out with me when they are teenagers after all.
Next up: Gifts. Wherein I laugh because I KNOW that CG is one that likes gifts. And Acts of Service – another tough one for me.
Good stuff, Jaynee. Thanks for sharing. I am delighted that you are thrilled about the Scouts. 🙂