More Stories I Could Tell

My sister requested more anecdotes from college.

Like the time for the student lip-synch show my friend Jon dressed up like one of the girls in the “Addicted to Love” video and his dad, who was visiting that weekend, pitched a fit when his big strapping son walked on stage in a mini-dress and full makeup.

Or the time Anthony Clarke performed his act at our college and almost got thrown off the stage for an off-color joke (remember – it’s a southern baptist college). The next day he and I hung out before his flight (I was in charge of shuttling the “Talent” as well as keeping them out of trouble while in town) and he bought an African-American barbie doll at the dollar store to take home to his roommate in Boston.

Midnight bowling in Shelby and watching the football players throw their bowling balls OVERHAND down the lanes. Midnight roller-skating in Shelby and having 90% of the people in attendance just get in the middle of the floor and dance.

Taking bets on whether Don and Gaye would actually KISS at their wedding (since they made the decision not to kiss until AFTER they were married). They kissed, I lost the bet.

Working at the college radio station and ALWAYS yawning right in the middle of my news reports. Faithfully. EVERY TIME.

The time I was working at the station and got a weird call from some guy saying he’d lost his wallet at the Charlotte Speedway and could I please announce on the air that he’ll give a reward to whoever returns it. Yeah, whatever buddy. He gave me his name and phone number, and I promptly ignored his request. Ten minutes later I was on the air doing the news. I got to sports, and read, “And in racing news, this weekend Dale Earnhardt took yet another title….HEY WAIT! THAT GUY JUST CALLED ME!”

Also being at the radio station the night of the first Mike Tyson fight, and missing it because it was over before my top-of-the-hour news was done (the fight only lasted 90 seconds).

I remember having two tickets to a Harry Connick Jr. concert in Charlotte and asking a freshman football player to go with me. I was a senior and had a tremendous crush on him. I was surprised when he said yes, and just as surprised when we actually were able to have a conversation. Alas, despite the obvious chemistry (on my side, anyway), we never went out again.

Listening to Def Leppard in my friend MaryBeth’s Pinto.

The horror of finding out that Troy S. was my COUSIN (not because I dated him, but because I couldn’t stand him).

My sister and I both having a crush on Trace G. at the same time – my only shining moment with him was a single slow dance at one of the school dances. I think my sister actually got a DATE out of him, if I recall correctly.

Working “crowd control” at the movie theater in Shelby for the premiere weekend of “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”.

Going with my friend Erik G. to see “U2’s Rattle and Hum” for the third time and taking cameras with us so we could take pictures of our favorite parts (mine was when Bono held out the microphone out to the crowd when they started singing along, this look of wonder on his face).

Hanging out in the AV room in the library and just playing with the laminating machine – we laminated anything that could fit in the machine that semester.

Watching Blacutt and Jones, their pants around their ankles, racing in the back stacks of the library to see who could get to the opposite side and back in the quickest time without being caught by our fuddy-duddy librarians.

Getting regularly crank-called by my friend Brandt while doing shifts at the radio station – I think he was my only listener at the time.

Living down the hall from my sister and her roommate. One night their phone RANG AND RANG AND RANG because Carol and Jen had gone away for the weekend with friends. For 10 minutes this phone rang in the middle of the night. I finally broke into the room and picked up the phone. “HELLO?” I asked, “This had better be good.” I heard snoring at the other end. It was Grant, Carol’s boyfriend, who had fallen asleep waiting for someone to answer the phone.

Getting a ticket for running a stop sign on campus. The town police tried to give me the ticket and I protested, saying they had no jurisdiction on campus. The cop disagreed and advised me to keep a copy of the ticket on my dash so that I’d “never forget that [I] DO have jurisdiction.” A week later I pull into the local gas station and see the cop sitting in his car in front of the gas station. He looks over at me and instantly recognizes me (it’s a small town). At that point I hold up the ticket (which I just never put away) and pointed at it before rolling my eyes and turning away. My other cop story is being told I ran a red light (no – just *a* red light – THE red light (there’s was only one at the time). I said, “No, it was a solid yellow when I got into the intersection.” I also told him it was 2 a.m. and there was no traffic on the road except for me and him so that even if I HAD run a red light (which I didn’t) it wasn’t anything any good citizen of that town wouldn’t do if they had to stop at that light when not even the cows were awake. I didn’t get a ticket.

And the final story…
Watching my biology professor explain how DNA wraps itself together. While making a certain motion, a deaf student and her interpreter were laughing to themselves. The professor finally stopped and asked what the problem was. The interpreter told the professor that the sign he was making was sign language for “having s&x”.