First of all, no one EVER has a smile on their face when they clean the bathroom. I don’t know what the lady in the featured image is smiling at, unless it’s the thought of living in a world without bodily functions necessitating bathrooms in the first place.
So as of today I will no longer be using the bathrooms at home or at work. Reason? Spiders.
A few mornings ago, as I am wont to do, before stepping into the shower I did a quick perusal and determined it was spider-free. It was only then that I turned on the water and stepped in to begin getting ready for work. A few moments later a spider drifted down against the wall, hovering at shoulder height. It wasn’t a huge spider, but when it comes to spiders, I don’t care how big it is – it needs to die.
I grabbed the showerhead and immediately began spraying it until it was down the drain. I ran the water directly into the drain for another 60 seconds for good measure.
On Tuesday morning, as I am wont to do, before stepping into the shower I did a quick perusal and determined it was spider-free. Supposedly FOR REAL this time. It was only then that I turned on the water and stepped in to begin getting ready for work. A FEW MOMENTS LATER A SPIDER DRIFTED DOWN AGAINST THE WALL IN THE EXACT SAME SPOT. Only this time, the spider was bigger. *shudder*
History repeating itself, I grabbed the showerhead and immediately began spraying it only this time IT REFUSED TO GO DOWN THE DRAIN. People, it clung on to every surface it could despite being pelted with water. It did NOT want to get sucked into the vortex of that drain. After it finally disappeared, I ran the water directly into the drain for another 120 seconds for good measure AND ran the soap through my hands to make the water nice and soapy so that the spider would not be able to cling to the walls of the drainpipe, should it try to.
I headed to work, thinking it was a job well done. Crisis averted, right?
A couple hours into work I stepped into the ladies room and found a spider in the toilet bowl. ALIVE. Walking across the water. *shudder* In a panic I hit the flush button and watched in horror as the spider refused to go down the drain. What kind of super-spiders are we breeding here in the US all of a sudden? Where do these spiders think they live – Australia??? I threw some toilet paper over the spider and flushed again, and this time he was unable to deny me the pleasure of his disposal – down he went. I flushed a third time for good measure. Water usage be damned.
But sadly, this is not the end of my tale. Nope. Because a few hours later, in the exact same stall, there was a spider JUST LIKE THE ONE I HAD FLUSHED standing on the wall near the toilet, walking around like the owned the joint. Same one? Different one? I’LL NEVER KNOW.
The lesson learned? I’m never taking a shower again and will rely on dry shampoo, perfume and whore baths from now on. And it’s time to buy stock in Depends because I’m about to buy out WalMart’s entire supply.
Featured image courtesy: ABW Photography/Purestock/SuperStock
